mEsS wiTh My miNd y dOnt yA

who are you

Category: By cating
i look at myself at the mirror and i don't recognize the girl in front of me. 

she looks the same, but inside she's not. 

i realized, i do not like this girl. 

she is not who i want to be. 

i need to find my way back. 

back to where i knew right and wrong. 

i really really need to find me again.

sunday thoughts

Category: By cating
it's funny how we pine for someone and never end up with that person. and at the same time, not knowing someone is also pining over us and not end up with that person either. 

if only life did not have that weird sense of humor, a lot of people would be happier. not just those lucky ones...



Category: By cating
that's what you are. 

i don't know what to make of us. 

if there is even an us...

i want to believe that there is something. 

but i'm too scared and too scarred...

i don't know if i can ever trust again. 

but life is short...

i want to take the leap. 

will you catch me when i fall?

i really really hope so...



By cating
Sometimes, you just have to hit gravel shit to know you are f%cked.

I think I hit that tonight.

Just have to remind myself to breathe and just let it go.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day to be f#cked.

Till tomorrow...

big 13 of 2013

Category: , By cating
2013 was all about change for me. looking back, i'd like to think i handled it quite well. there may have been bumps and bruises but i survived. here are the big 13 of my 2013:

1. made the big move to sydney. with only ate karen's family as my safety net, i made the big plunge. thankful that they have embraced me into their family. 

2. new job. started working one week after i arrived. overwhelmed would be an understatement of what i felt then. too many new things to learn. not to mention trying to understand their accents. but 10 months after, i'm doing a bit better, have good relationships with my collegues and not dreading going to work as i used to. 

3. chocolate. 

4. ate met's passing. it came as a shock especially after we have been communicating more often than we did before. we had so many plans of visiting each other. losing a friend is painful and something i don't want to go through anytime soon. 

5. driving. took up lessons and got my license. not sure it is for me though. i'm too paranoid. especially when it comes to making mistakes on the road. hopefully, through experience i'll be better at it and not get a heart attack every time i drive. 

6. moved house. i'm currently living with two people who i didn't know when i first moved in. but now, i have slowly gotten to know them through our interactions in the kitchen. so far so good. have not had any issues with them. hopefully it continues to be that way. 

7. went home. due to unforeseen circumstances aka my tooth needing root canal, i was able to go home. it was a great break seeing friends and family. touching base. reminding myself what is important in life. 

8. joan moving to sydney. i finally have my bestie in the same continent. even though we do not get to spend as much time together, knowing she is nearby is doing heaps for my sanity. 

9. jager bombs.

10. yolanda. made me realize i have forged relationships with my officemates. they are not just people i work with but they have become more. i wouldn't say they have become friends but maybe with more time they can be. 

11. car. brought it without even thinking thoroughly. now, i have to be more stingy than i already am. no savings for the next year. hopefully, i will survive with limited funds. 

12. new zealand. went on a road trip with friends to celebrate christmas. it made me realize how even if a lot of things has changed, some things remain the same. 

13. moving forward. before the year ended, i promised myself that i will stop going around in circles, which is what i have been doing for the last months. i'm not sure if i have the will power to stop myself from being sucked back into the circle but i sure hell am gonna try. 

looking forward to what 2014 may bring :)



By cating
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something. So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

― Neil Gaiman

 YOU were my favourite mistake of 2013. I hope it ends there. Here's to making NEW mistakes in the coming year! :) note to self: keyword is NEW.

fine line

Category: By cating
you are never too old to experience something new for the first time. 

i learned that today. 

scary shit. 

pasko na

Category: , By cating
will be spending christmas at the airport this year!

but who cares?!? 

i don't. 

as long as i am not alone in sydney. 

that is all that matters.

bahala walay kwarta basta di magdrama ;)


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i have always been a straight arrow. right or wrong. black or white. i rarely had any gray area. which makes me predictable to everyone who knew the "real" me. they could easily predict how i would react to a certain situation. 

but these days, i am surprising myself with how i am dealing with things. i would like to think this is just me venturing into the unknown. letting life happen and if shit hits the fan, then i guess i'll have a good cry and move on with life. like i always do. 

i am expecting the worse outcome of this but a part of me is hoping that maybe something good will come out of this. i don't know what, but here's to hoping! 

life has been full of surprises lately, i hope i will be pleasantly surprised soon. 


Category: , , By cating
i have been moaning and whining of how hard my current job is for me. but i have never talked about the people i work with. it has never occurred to me how blessed i am to be working with such a diverse bunch of people who have one thing in common, their generosity... with their time and their knowledge.

today, they added a whole new level to the word generosity. i am amazed by the bake sale that they have organized at the office to help raise funds for the philippines. it never occurred to me that they would put in time and effort to bake goodies just so they can donate something. amazeballs. it makes me go, "now, why didn't think of that?!?"

not only did they donate to the international organizations and give money, they also spread the word to their friends about helping out. it just really knocks the socks out of me. super thankful that i am surrounded by such great people most days of my life in sydney.

i am blessed.